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Easy Crochet

I can't believe people complain that they have no time to crochet. They must be doing it wrong.

I was watching a cooking show on television the other day, and I was very impressed -- but not by the meal, as tasty as it looked. No -- I was impressed by how little work the TV chef actually did. All the ingredients were premeasured and prepared by preproduction kitchen staff. All the chef did was to simply add them together and drink lots of sherry. Then, he popped the dish in the oven and immediately took out a hot, finished meal, prepared in advance by his crack team of flunkies.

Of course, people create crochet projects this way all the time. For instance, last week I wanted to make a prizewinning afghan, so I showed a photo of the desired finished product to my poorly paid and under-trained staff. They trotted off to my supply closet to search my stash. Since I have been less than attentive to how I stack yarn, it set me back 25 minutes while I waited for them to put all those fallen skeins away again. The incompetence!

I finally had the yarn and hooks and such -- but what's this? My junior assistant brought me seven skeins of yarn that came from sheep in Fulshear, Texas, instead of Brazos Valley, Texas. I'm glad I caught it in time; it could've ruined everything. I'll see she never works here again.

This afghan project had already become a lot of work, but I persevered. After the starting chain and a row of double crochet, the pattern called for a complicated color change -- but no worries. My staff had prepared an exact finished copy of the afghan ahead of time, and I had lots of sherry available. So I just crocheted the first two rows, summoned my staff and before I knew it, I was smiling and holding up a perfect, professional-grade afghan with all the ends woven in and no visible knots. It couldn't have been easier! Of course, then I woke from my nap.

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